When I see the word “trudging” I think of two things: hardship and perseverance. I haz both.
On so many levels, life is touuugh right now. I’ve been facing so many unknowns, lessons and changes that I’m quite literally being approached, from every angle, by a different challenge that I don’t necessarily accept with open arms. Am I surprised? Not really. Life had been going pretty well; I suspected it was time for a little downhill after so much uphill. I hate hiking.
When life gets this way, I tend to go mostly numb (read: no blogs, no Facebook, no new creations) and that makes it even more difficult to cope… to persevere.
Bruce and I received orders to move to Japan. Am I excited? That’s an understatement. I.am.ecstatic. And scared sh**less. For reals. This is the thing I’ve been dreaming of, another chance to travel. To show my boy the wonders of culture, nature, and life. If only it were that easy. I feel like I’ve been offered a silver platter of all my favorite foods, but to pick a morsel up and nibble on it, I have to maneuver my way through boobie traps and spiders. Because, there’s nothing more scary than spiders in your food. Am I right or am I right?
Let’s just say that as I’m reaching for an especially yummy looking piece of Japanese goodness, two spiders eyeball me. And, just like in Harry Potter, they talk. They threaten me with the two things I’m most afraid of: another custody battle and huge change. Recoiling is not an option. I’m fighting those very battles right now.
You know, I used to think I was pretty on top of my game. I thought I knew how to be married. I don’t. I thought I was a pretty good communicator. I’m not. I thought I knew what the future holds. Clearly, I’m more ignorant. I thought I knew myself pretty well. Turns out I’m a heckofa lot more complicated. It’s not a fun revelation, seeing yourself differently.
My list is a little longer than this blog has room for. But I keep reminding myself what Charlie Chaplin said, “Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.” Things will change (I guess I should eventually get used to that idea if I ever want to be less stressed); people will change (including moi); things will get better. They will.
You remember that for yourself, too, k? K.