I’m a little late to jump on this Are You Mom Enough? train. So, excuse me if it seems like this dead horse should be buried, already; I’d just like to weigh in and it seems a perfect opportunity to show the blog a lil love.
Like a lot of women, I suspect, I saw the cover of the Time magazine in all its controversial glory and I thought, “I so DO NOT agree.” How silly I still am, sometimes- judging things by their cover. I’m working on that, though, I promise.
Next, I leaned solely on those Facebook status updates by all of the powerful-women-pages and friends to help shape my seriously lacking opinion; liking and guffawing along with the rest of the world about the ridiculousness of such an article; of such a picture; of such blatant attention mongering. Time Magazine sure did their job, didn’t they? Shock value really is worth its weight in gold. It’s sad, really, that I almost passed up a bit of reading- which turned out to be very encouraging- for such petty reasons.
Through the suggestion and subsequent prodding of my counselor, I bought the electronic article for our iPad (which is the same price as the paper edition, btw). Do you know, the cover isn’t even the main argument of the article? In fact, it takes up less than an entire sentence- the idea of a mother breastfeeding into toddler years, that is.
I found it to be a short biography of Dr. Sears and his wife garnished with Attachment Parenting. And here are my thoughts:
I am a supporter of Attachment Parenting. While I would not consider myself an extremest, I do agree with the majority of the points the article made. I nursed my Malachi until he was 22 months old; my choice to nurse him until then came from the depths of my heart. Our life was in a huge upheaval and I felt that offering him the comfort of breast was the best way to his feeling secure. I also felt secure and comforted; I can say that now, unabashed.
I do not agree in the slightest that attachment parenting has a negative impact on any child. Every once in a while, Malachi will burst into tears as I am on my way out the door to run an evening errand (this happens after he comes back from being away. Coincidence? I think not.) and beg me not to leave him. My immediate response is to bring myself to his level, wrap my arms around him, pull him into me, as close to my heart as possible, and tell him with fierce passion, “Malachi. Mama willnever leave you. I will always come back to you.” And he knows this promise will not be broken. Why am I so sure? Because Ihave made sure he has been attached to me, to my heart, from the moment he entered this world.
Malachi and I co-slept until he was 2 1/2. By the time I felt he was ready for his own bed, he was ready, too; and the transition was flawless. Why? Because we spent 2 1/2 years of nights tangled up and just as many mornings lingering in daybreak cuddles.
At the same time, I know the value in a little independence. I am aware that the man he will turn into relies heavily on the boy that he is; my job is to let go, little by little, until the time comes for him to step out into the world- only not physically attached to me. But, how does secure independence come without secure dependence? It’s no fluke that mother and child are physically bonded from the moment of conception. It’s no fluke that child cannot survive without mother’s milk. There’s a certain passion and fierce protection that lies dormant in woman’s blood until the moment she becomes a mother; and I feel Attachment Parenting goes hand-in-hand with her heart-led desire to see her child reach every potential she ever dreamed for him. And, personally, I’d be damned if anyone in this world required that I love my son less or only as much as they think I should.
In all, these are the lessons I learned from reading what I initially avoided (and also from other readings which came as a result of my digging a bit more into the idea of Attachment Parenting):
Don’t judge a magazine by its cover; you may just be enlightened.
I am absolutely right in the way I love my son; because I was created to love him with a fierce devotion.
Each woman will know to which degree her child will benefit from Attachment Parenting. It can’t be made into a formula or applied straight from the textbook to every child; knowledge and understanding is contained in the heart.
Every mom is “mom enough” regardless of whether or not she agrees with Attachment Parenting; because every mom’s heart is invested into her child more than she would ever be able to translate into words.
God very well may be re-shaping this image I have of him with the way I understand Attachment Parenting. After all, it was He who clearly told us:
“I will never leave you or forsake you… see? I have written you on the palms of my hands; though a mother may forget the child nursing at her breast, I will never forget you.” (Joshua 1:5, Isaiah 49:15-16)
Selah.