I’m an introvert, I don’t know if you knew that.
The hardest part of this way God made me is opening up and using spoken words to express, share, and acknowledge. It creates so many struggles where there needn’t be any. I feel awkward voicing my thoughts and most of the time, my thoughts aren’t even pure, distilled feelings unless I have been allowing them to steep for a while.
I hate talking- I hate the process of taking thoughts in my brain and using my lungs, tongue, and lips to create words, pushing them from vague soul stirrings to these very defined things that go out and shape my world. Words are weighty things- I love them and I struggle against them. Even with my writing, words only come out of me in a beautiful flow when my soul is in turmoil. Pain is the churn that brings my watery thoughts to more substantial feelings.
We were in church a few weeks ago when we began singing a worship song about God searching our hearts and nothing being hidden from Him. My heart and my soul sighed in complete unison as I sang those words because bless-ed relief.
We (I) usually think of those part of our souls we want to keep hidden as something of which we are ashamed- things we don’t want the light to touch, to be seen or talked about. We try to hide from God because it’s easier- but for me, that day, I knew it meant less struggle, less talking, less thoughts-forming-into-words energy I would have to expend.
Because God sees me. Even the hidden, the buried deep, the still-not-steeped. And that means I don’t have to do anything to be known by Him. He knows me. I can find rest in His omniscience.
It’s hard for me to explain this kind of rest- and it’s something I’ve never understood or experienced before. Perhaps, if you’re an introvert with fewer words like me, you’ll understand the peace that overtook me when I felt Father say, “Be still. I know it all.”
The struggle has ceased. The agonizing over proper words and true expression and honest discourse- it has been indefinitely paused.
And I can rest and just be.
Wow, I really liked this blogpost! You’re writing in a really describing way, which I like! I’m also finding so much rest in your words and become so much in awe of God through them! This is so beautiful, both your words and the meaning of the text! Thank you! ❤️
Thanks for using your words to remind us to just be.
Rest…the second time I’m reading this idea. One of the other writers is working through this idea too. I love how you expressed it. Thank you for sharing.