I’m 11% Irish, I don’t know if I’ve told you that.
I know because I’ve been somewhat obsessed with finding out about the generations of culture and heritage before me. I want to know where I come from and what mysteries my blood houses; I need to know to which tradition and ceremony I refer.
But I can’t exactly tell you why I need to know this information. Or, well, I couldn’t, until about two weeks ago. It dawned on me one Sunday morning during worship and now I can’t think about it without emotions spilling over my nicely private cup and threatening to reveal my insides to outsiders.
I want to belong.
I desperately want to be part of something bigger and older and more mysterious than me. It’s why I’ve pursued so many things in my life and why I seek out connection to the point of exhaustion. Belonging is why we form groups and clasp hands in the name of common goals, purposes or convictions, isn’t it? It’s why we get married; why we place such emphasis on unity; why we spend our lives creating a world around us that has our own unique shape in which we fit our souls.
I always get the feeling that I don’t quite fit, not precisely. I have one bent corner that doesn’t settle very well or the color of my piece doesn’t match the one next to me and so I must not quite belong where I have found myself.
But I want to. I so desperately want to walk into a room and hear, “Oh, there you are!”
Because that would mean there is a place where I belong- where my presence has had a marked absence until I fill it and someone has been expectantly waiting for me because I am valued.
And, so, in church on Sunday when I was fighting the battle of a coffeeless and wandering mind, I distinctly felt Father answer to that desire to belong.
“When everything temporary is broken down and gone; when cultures, clubs, groups and teams, and all the things you think you belong to… when they are gone, you will still belong to Me.”
I belong like a seed in the center of an apple. My position, my belonging as a daughter of the Creator is permanent and unconditional. I belong in Him, in His heart and with Him. I am accepted and wanted and pursued.
And when I come to Father, I will always hear:
“Oh, there you are! I’ve been waiting for you.”