“Please, just get me through this in one piece,” I prayed. When the pain was overwhelming and the fear was crashing down the door of my resolve and my hope, I just prayed for the strength to get through it.
You see, for so long, I’ve had this unrealistic expectation- or, rather, wish- to avoid all the hard things in life. It was an automatic thing; a thing I wanted without even thinking about what I was wanting. I’d cross my arms with a huff and immediately think of ways to jump ship- whatever the cost- whenever the pressure began to rise above my comfort zone.
Until God taught me about fevers. Yes, this is a little lesson on health for you, but it’s also me sharing a huge milestone in my life.
Hazel runs high fevers whenever she’s sick or we travel. I’m talking 103.5 on average. And I used to panic as I saw the number on the thermometer rise and I would immediately begin asking God to just take it away, take away the fever. And then God, in His wonderful grace and soft way of teaching me, said, “I’m not going to shoot her guard dog.” And I remembered what I once read about fevers- they are good. They are the thing that is attacking the thing that is attacking the body. Fevers aren’t the problem, they are the solution.
You see, germs can’t reproduce in an environment above 102 degrees. So when the body finds an invader, it cranks up the thermostat above the degree of the threatening bacteria. Once the threat is killed, the body cools itself off. And it’s this way our bodies were created: to go through the fire to get to the healing.
“Please just get me through this, God.” This fever. This refining fire I feel lighting up my veins and my heart. The temperature rises and I’m so uncomfortable. Like Job’s soliloquy, my soul groans and sighing is my daily food. But the life-fever is opening my eyes; the discomfort is showing things that need to be changed, confronted; the sighing teaches me empathy for this chorus of pain sung by others.
“Do not be afraid,” He whispers through my laments, “I have overcome and you will, too.”
“My fellow believers, when it seems as though you are facing nothing but difficulties see it as an invaluable opportunity to experience the greatest joy that you can! For you know that when your faith is tested, it stirs up power within you to endure all things. And then as your endurance grows even stronger it will release perfection into every part of your being until there is nothing missing and nothing lacking.” James 1:2-4 TPT
What if God did take me out of it, though? What if He just snapped his fingers and all these hardships just… dissipated? I wouldn’t learn anything about myself or what I stand for. I wouldn’t learn my strength- I wouldn’t have these cathartic and creative coping skills I’ve discovered through art. I wouldn’t know the joy of art.
My children wouldn’t be able to watch and learn how to stand up to misogyny or abuse or sexism. They wouldn’t be able to see me struggle and know my own humanity or learn how to persevere.
Friends couldn’t relate to me or come to be for support and empathy.
My marriage wouldn’t benefit from the closeness gained only when struggle is overcome.
This life-fever is building my immunity to frailty, to cowardice, and toward atrophy of character. My soul is strengthened and my heart revels in joy because it knows pain. The rest is sweeter because of the wrestling.
This will not kill me. This is killing the thing that has set out to destroy my life.
So, Father, don’t take me out of it; bring me through it.